Friday, July 19, 2013

Return to the Lost Art of Homemaking

I didn't realize it at the time I initially became a stay at home mom that my upbringing had a profound influence on molding what my image of homemaking was. I grew up with a single working mother who during my early years left me in the care of my ubber traditional Southern grandparents. Even on my visits to my Dad's house I was always around my grandmother on that side who I seriously liken to the Black June Cleaver.


These phenomenal women reared children, ran house, cooked, cleaned, ironed, mended, and more. They even managed to do an extensive amount of community work. They did everything from church bake sales, fundraiser dinners, Christmas toy and clothing drives, visiting the sick and shut in, to just being a friend over the phone when someone needed an ear. I mean they don't make women like them anymore. Their is a picture in the Bible next to Proverbs 31 and they are in it.

The thing is something happened between their generation and my parents generation that changed the course of homemaking profoundly. Homemaking was no longer a cherished art. Women were encouraged to take on more and more pursuits outside of the home. There began to be a shift in viewing the housewife as a loving and dedicated mother to being a suppressed, oppressed, lazy, uneducated, naive, woman. So by the time I was coming up it was expected that a woman would pursue a career outside the home.

Girls from my generation were not taught the fine art of homemaking skills cause it was assumed we wouldn't need that sort of thing once we becoming, business women, doctors, lawyers, etc... Now of course we did have our weekly chores and household responsibilities like cleaning and cooking and laundry but the wisdom was not being passed down with the responsibilities. I had no insight as to the true running of the home. It was always on the shallow. I had no insight as to how my grandmother budgeted, planned meals, selected household items and whatnot.

After the birth of my 1st child I was in college full time and worked 2 part time jobs. I was juggling so much stuff with little reward. My daughter was in daycare. She was hitting milestones and I wasn't their to see it. The baby sitter got to witness all the joy that was suppose to be for me. I eventually gave up school and pursued work full time. Of course this means to my peers I was some sort of failure for not having my degree and choosing to raise my child the best way I could instead. They had pity in their eyes for me when they talked about upcoming registration or graduation parties. But for me I could care less about that. I was burdened down with serious mommy guilt. How could I be the best at my job and be the best mom all at the same time especially if I am only seeing my child for a few hours everyday and on my off days? Eventually I got married and it was around the time my oldest was 2 1/2yrs old I became pregnant with my 2nd child. I was sick out of this world with pregnancy symptoms. I struggled everyday to get out of bed and go to work and came home with little left for my new husband and my toddler. I so wish I could be one of those stay at home moms like on TV and movies. But I didn't dare ask my husband for fear of coming off selfish or lazy. I just keep on with the routine till one day I woke up looking and feeling awful. My hubby had to take me to the hospital for another round of IV fluids. It was that day I realized just how much this man was made for me. He turned to me and said " You don't want to go back to work do you?". Before I got a chance to respond he said " I don't think you should have to go back. I want you stay home from now on." I was so excited and so scared all at the same time. What if he changes his mind? What if I am no good at being a homemaker then he will regret telling me to stay home when I could have been "contributing" to the household. What are my friends and family going to say? They already think I'm weird( I ate a vegan diet and breastfed my daughter past 6 months of age.). So that is when my journey began.

The first year was a disaster of me having to get over the guilt of not contributing to the household financially. I just was unsure of the value of my new role. Its funny cause just two generations ago folks thought that a Stay at Home Mother was great matriarch. I felt more like the bottom of the totem pole. It was also hard trying to figure out how to balance out being a mother of two. Its funny now that I am expecting baby #5 I think adding a new baby is a piece of cake. But in the beginning it was the most overwhelming feeling ever. It was around the time that I was totally drowning in juggling kids and household duties that the internet became my greatest tool. Thank God I was born during the age of information. The internet refreshed and renewed and equipped me to take on the task of recovering the lost art of homemaking. I found blogs, articles, websites, and videos explaining step by step how to do everything from setting up a homemaking binder, to managing the children's schedules, to how to make your own laundry soap. It was as if someone had taken my grandmother's wisdom and posted it online. lol!

I am now on year 7 of my Stay at Home Mom Homemaking Journey and I still have more to learn and figure out. But now I think I have gotten to a point where I want to give back to the BlogWorld  that helped me find my way. It's pay it forward time. So this blog will be my contribution to all the new or seasoned homemakers out their who need some encouragement or new ideas. Come and join me. Lets return to the lost art of homemaking together.

8 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for your story on how you became the great woman you are today. I secretly thought it was easy made decision and again secretly envied you. I now realized it was a rocky road. You and your husband make a great team as well as family. You are truly blessed to have that. May God bless you and thank you again for encouraging us STRUGGLING women who so want to invest and build up their family/household.

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    1. I wonder why you though the decision was so easy for me? I actually don't know many homemakers who didn't go through some sort of struggle in the beginning. Rather it be financial, internal, or otherwise. We all come into things with some sort of underline worry or apprehension I have found. This is for me was new and uncharted territory. I was so not prepared and I was not good at it and still struggle with certain aspects of it to this day. Like my major thing now is the cleaning and laundry. I am constantly trying to figure out how to keep a clean and neat home that I am not ashamed for company to come over. lol! Every mom has their strengths and their areas that could use a little work. For me the homeschooling and cooking part came pretty natural but the rest took a conscious effort and daily hard work. I don't always feel like I have it under control but I just pick myself up and keep trying. It is my hope that this will make it easier for my daughters when its their turn to raise a family. And easier for my sons to encourage their wives when they don't have the strength to go on. I am so glad you are able to glean something from the information I put out their. You don't know how much that humbles me. I am blushing from your compliment. lol!

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  2. I enjoyed reading this. As a single mom it is impossible for me to stay home with my daughter. I pray that one day god will bless me with a supportive husband, so then I can focus more on my daughter and household.

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    1. Never say its impossible Sis. I have this year talked to two different single parents who homeschool their children. One of them works from home. And the other has set up some cleaver technology things. She has a caretaker for her child during the day and she uses Skype on a ipad to answer her child's questions and give instruction while she is at work. I also know other parents who have not been able to direct teach but they have found full time homeschool COOP classes to enroll their child in during the day. So its basically a small private school that happens to be parent ran. There are options out their. The good part about living in today is that unconventional methods are totally doable. If maybe not this year for you it maybe next year. Just keep your options open and never say never.

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  3. I totally agree with your perspective on being a new stay at home mother. I spent the first 3 months looking at the wall! I didn't know what to do. It was all so new, no one in my family other than my grandmother stayed at home. This has been an interesting year. I finally found my groove. I turn to ladies such as yourself for inspiration and new ideas. (saywhich1/YT)

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    1. I am so happy you found your groove. Once you get the hang of things it can become a very rewarding experience. But man it does take some growing pains at first. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

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  4. Erin your story was so inspiring and I only wish that I could stay home with my children. However, that is just not in the cards for me right now. But I will do my best with the situation that I am in.

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  5. I'm so happy I read this. This could have been my story last year when I had my first child and my husband became the sole provider. It still feels weird to me, not "paying my way" and all, but 16 months later, the lightbulb has finally come on - I DO have a job, and an important one at that! My job is to take care of my husband and daughter. How I could not get past my guilt of not contributing financially to the household to see this long away is beyond me. Now I'm just trying to find my way and get more organized. I just found your blogs some 24 hours ago, but they are already proving helpful. Just wanted to give a big thanks for putting your stories out there in cyberworld for folk like me:-) Congrats on the new one to come!

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